I recently gave a friend a pair of way-cool, old, orange tie-dyed bib overalls. I have dozens of overalls, most of which I’ll never wear since they’re now too hard to put on and take off, and I figured I could let this pair go, as unique and cool as they were, since my friend really liked them. My friend cut off the legs and ended up with an even cooler pair of shortalls.
A few days later, my friend attended a party, which they later told me was “so much fun…dancing with my friends.” I asked my friend if they wore the overalls I gave them. My friend admitted to not wearing them and to wearing a dark brown pair of bibs instead, “because there were lots of people there, some I didn’t know, and it just felt more comfortable.”
I don’t say this to put my friend on the spot. Far from it. This is just the latest example of something I’ve heard or seen for many years. And I have to say that I’m so tired of it. It is so sad. It breaks my heart.
In the last year, there has been endless talk about epidemics. In addition to the COVID pandemic, we have been hearing about how there’s an epidemic of poverty, an epidemic of healthcare disparity, an epidemic of racism, an epidemic of police brutality and racial injustice. There has also been talk of an epidemic of anxiety, especially among teens, and an epidemic of loneliness.
From what I’ve seen and heard for years, there has been another epidemic. And epidemic of…I’m not sure. For now at least, I’ll say it’s an epidemic of body shyness – if not shame.
In the past, I have let another friend borrow several pairs of overalls to wear at parties and music festivals. He reported getting lots and lots of compliments, but he wouldn’t wear them anywhere else. He also owned a pair of bibs, and he did look very good in them, but he very rarely wore them.
This friend told me that he doesn’t like being told that he looks good. He said it makes him feel uncomfortable.
A lot of guys have told me something like this. I have had guys – even at music festivals – tell me they wish they could wear what I wear (actually everyday, not just at music festivals).
Again, I find this heart-breaking. When guys say this to me, I want to say, “Then why don’t you?”
I’m not talking about wearing tie-dyed overalls, if that’s what you’re into, to the office or even a workday Zoom meeting. I’m talking about being comfortable wearing them on a stroll around the neighborhood on a Saturday afternoon. Or to the market or Target.
I know that this issue, this epidemic of body shyness, has been going on for a very long time and is deeply entrenched, at least in American society. It also occurs to me that my case is quite unique, that I’m very used to people looking, staring at me and that I’ve come to enjoy giving them something interesting and fun to look at with what I wear, etc. I wish there was some way I could help with this, that I could help people feel alright about how they look and with feeling comfortable wearing whatever they want (again, within reason). I’m wondering about creating a website, if it would help to have a space where people can share their experience with body shyness and perhaps encourage each other to feel comfortable wearing what they want.
Is there something more I can do with this other than post this?
I’m also thinking about the two or three times in the years before the pandemic that I saw guys at the colleges here wearing dresses (I’ve also seen this at annual Quaker gatherings). This wasn’t drag – no make-up, no wigs, no stuffing, no high heels – and I even didn’t sense that these guys were gay. They were just guys out wearing what they wanted, comfy and, yes, probably having fun wearing light summer dresses on a warm day. Perhaps things are changing.
