Uneasy death

   Once when I was in college, I went to a talk by a disabled guy.  He was in a wheelchair and, if I remember correctly, had a slight speech problem – not too much unlike me.  He was arguing against abortion, saying that if abortion is allowed, it’s likely that fewer people like him – like me – would be born. 

   I thought it was a bit of a stretch.  I thought that it was a cheap, cheesy, emotional argument.  I certainly heard him and got where he was coming from, but I also thought he was using his disability to grab attention and pull heart strings to make his pro-life argument. 

   I am kind of having a similar feeling when it comes to the end-of-life act recently signed by Governor Jerry Brown here it California.  I think it is compassionate and sensible for people who are terminally ill, with no more than six months to live and with unrelenting pain and no ability to enjoy life, to be allowed to get a prescription from their doctor that will hasten their death if they so choose.  At least I want to think this.  It fits in nicely with my liberal and progressive viewpoint, and all of my friends are happy, relieved, that Brown signed the bill into law.  

   I also hear the disability groups, though, who say that the law is bad, that it’s a slippery slope, that it will be used to deny care and services and perhaps kill off burdensome disabled people.  Yes, there are lots of requirements in the new law to stop this from happening, but I still hear the disability groups’ arguments, as knee-jerk and emotional as they are, and I get them.  I want to believe that, of course, the law won’t be used to deny care and services and worse, but sometimes, when I have to make a lot of noise and fight and fight for what I need (like new footrests on my wheelchair, as has currently been the case), I can’t help but wonder if they are right. 

   Another thing that makes me uncomfortable about the new law is that it says that the legal drug has to be self-administered.  Now, I can, with some difficulty, take a pill myself – if the bottle is open, that is.  But what about those who can’t use their hands or arms and can’t take a pill themselves.  Again, this is a case where the disabled are unheard, where their needs aren’t considered.  Or is it that, in this case, they’re heard too much? 

No news is gun news

   Did you know there were shootings at two colleges last Friday?  I didn’t – at least not until I read about them the next day on the inside pages of the Los Angeles Times. These shootings, in which two people were killed and a total of four were injured and which happened on the same day that President Obama visited Roseburg, Oregon, where nine people were killed and nine were injured in a shooting at Umpqua Community College a week earlier, weren’t front-page news. (They also weren’t mentioned on Friday’s PBS NewsHour.)

   So, this is where we’re at.  The shootings at Northern Arizona University, in which one person was killed and two were injured, and at Texas Southern University, which had the same outcome, were business as usual, barely worth noting in the news.  Yes, many fewer people were killed and injured than in the October 1 shooting in Oregon, but they were nevertheless instances of horrific gun violence, resulting in death and injuries, on supposedly safe-zone campuses.  In fact, another fatal college campus shooting, also on Friday, was briefly mentioned at the end of the Times article. 

   Also business as usual, apparently, was the crowd protesting Obama’s visit, with signs reading, “United we stand…Obama we fall,” “Can you hear me now? Go home!” and “Don’t mess with my guns.” They were angry that the president, as one protester said, “wants to come to our community and stand on the corpses of our loved ones to make some kind of political point.” Another protester said, “It viscerally offended me that he uses something like this to purse his own ulterior motives – destroying this country, undermining America.”

   Yep, like I said, business as usual.   

Rained in

   I hate rain.  There, I said it.  Actually, I like rain at night, when I’m in bed.  But that’s all. 

   In my last post, I wrote about how the weather seems to have shifted north, with Claremont and Southern California getting more tropical, humid weather and rain during the summer in recent years. 

I said that, in contrast to the dry, hot weather that I grew up with here, this hot, moist weather in the summer is particularly unpleasant. I should have gone further and explain how horrible it is for me when it’s hot and raining. 

   These are two things that I hate.  Hate is a strong word, I know, but, at least when it comes to rain, it is much more than a case of being uncomfortable.  Rain – and I don’t mean torrential downpours and flooding but any precipitation – makes my life harder, literally. 

   Most of the times when I go out, I do so on my own in my wheelchair. One of the things I love about living in Claremont is that I can get to so many things, from shops and movies and the gym where I work out to the dozens of lectures and performances at the colleges.  But I can’t do this when it rains. 

   I’m literally trapped when it rains, when there is anything more than the lightest of drizzle.  I literally feel locked inside my house, not allowed to leave as I please. 

   Fifteen years ago, I thought nothing of putting a big poncho on and going out in the rain.  I remember going through streams, splashing up water, as I made my way, with my glasses splattered.  But not anymore.  Part of it is age and not being so tough.  I’m also more concerned about not being so rough on or damaging my chair, all the more so with the new, more sophisticated one with the tilt function.  (In fact, a few times when I splashed through those gutter streams, water got in the motor, stopping me for a few minutes – I was lucky it was just a few minutes!) And then there is the speech device – basically a computer – that is now (usually) attached to my chair when I go out; I don’t dare get it wet. 

   So, yes, I feel trapped when it rain, and I hate it.  I hate it when I see rain in the forecast and think about what I might miss.  What I hate even more is when it might rain, and I stay home, I cancel an appointment, and it ends up not raining.  I wish it would just rain, get it over with. 

   I’m getting better at asking for rides when my attendants are or can be available.  But I don’t like having to assess whether the outing is important enough to ask for a ride, and I don’t like having to be at a certain place at a certain time and when I’m not sure when an event is over. In short, I don’t like not having my independence, my freedom.  And then I feel really frustrated and stupid when I have an attendant pick me up somewhere and it’s not raining. Yes, better safe than sorry, I know, but it doesn’t make it easier. 

   What I really need is a live-in driver like on Downton Abbey – preferably a strapping young man – ready at my beck and call.  At least I can get one of those driverless cars. 

   It is supposedly going to rain here a lot this Fall and Winter, with a “Godzilla” of an El Nino on the way. Everyone is really happy, with it coming after four years of drought (even if we are told it won’t bring complete relief and probably not the critical snowpack in Northern California.  But not me.  I’m dreading it. (If only I had that hot driver!)    

Shift happens

   One recent morning, I was glad to have the comforter on the bed.  When I woke up, it was a bit nippy.  There was a touch of Autumn in the air. 

   Which was frustrating, because September has always been hot, likely the hottest month overall, here in Claremont.  That is, although it may have cool days with wonderful hints of Fall, some of the year’s hottest days come in September – and not just early in the month. It can also get awfully hot in October. 

   This is hard for someone like me who doesn’t like the heat and looks forward to it cooling off in the Fall after the long hot Summer. For this reason, Fall is my favorite time of year. Although it is terribly politically incorrect, I can understand why they used to call these not-part-of-the-bargain, gypping heat waves in late September and October “Indian Summer.”  

   In fact, when I was growing up, this was “Fair weather” – the beastly hot weather that always came along with the Los Angeles County Fair during September in Pomona nearby.  Also, it was a joke that the Claremont colleges do their hiring in February, when it’s cool and gorgeous, with the palm trees and oranges shining in the sunny skies with snow-capped Mt. Baldy in the background.  The new professors would move here in late August and despair over what they had gotten themselves into.  At that time, there was also the smog which was far worse than it is now. 

   All this is bad enough. At least it wasn’t humid back then.  In recent years, it has gotten humid during the summer, and more and more so.  This summer has been totally crazy.  It rained in July, which would never happen before, and it rained more than two inches a few days ago.  During this downpour, it wasn’t exactly cool, much less cold, and it didn’t provide much relief – the next few days are slated to heat up again.  What is this?  Hawaii?  Miami?  This definitely wasn’t part of the sunny So. Cal. bargain.

   Years ago, a professor here said that it looked like the weather was moving northward.  He thought everything would be shifting north, that we here in Southern California would be getting Mexico’s tropical weather and the San Francisco Bay Area would get our hot weather. This was before talk of global warming, and I don’t know if this is a part of global warming or something else, but he was right.  Last week, when we were sweltering in the hundreds and humidity – yes, it was horrid! -  it was in the nineties in San Francisco. Can you imagine?   Ninety in San Francisco,  where at least my grandfather always said you need a coat in the summer.  (Didn’t Mark Twain also say that?) 

Camping fool

   I love traveling, getting out of town and the daily grind and going on adventures, and, for years and years, I have driven by campgrounds in beautiful places like the Central Coast or in the woods and wondered what it’s like to stay there.  I wondered what it was like to go camping like when I was a child and be so close to beautiful nature and not have to leave before it began getting dark.  Well, I’m not wondering anymore. Because now I’m doing it. 

   After two initial attempts last year, I am going on four weekend camping trips this Summer and early Fall – not counting camping at California WorldFest in July at the Nevada County Fairgrounds in Grass Valley – and, so far, it has been pretty terrific overall.

   I am finding out that it is indeed nice to be in a beautiful natural space for more than a few hours and not have to leave when evening is coming. It is nice to sit on a beach, a wild, rocky beach in its most natural state, for as long as I want, knowing that I only have to go a few hundred feet to get to where I’m staying.  I don’t have to worry about getting back into my hot van. I don’t have to think about a long, trafficky drive home, at least for a day or two. 

   But it’s more than being in a beautiful natural space; it’s living in it – not in a hotel or house there – but in the beautiful natural space.  It’s being a part of it, sharing it, having the honor and privilege of being a part of such beauty.  Yes, it gets rough and dirty, and there are bugs and critters (and stinky, usually barely accessible restrooms), and it sometimes gets frightfully windy. But this is part of being part of this beauty and part of the gorgeous sunset and incredibly starry night right there. (But, yes, I do like going home to my big, clean bathroom and a hot shower!)   

   And it is magical to be able to do this in my wheelchair.  I love getting up in this beautiful space, getting into some overalls (usually cut-offs with no shirt) and my boots and meandering off on my own after a good breakfast (and lots of sun-block on me, of course) to discover trails and a nice place to sit for an hour or three.  To me, this is the ultimate in freedom and independence.  It is truly liberating, not only physically but also for my mind and soul. 

   The California State Parks does a fantastic job in enabling me to do just this.  I have been on really cool wheelchair-accessible trails over wetlands and through groves with wildly twisted branches and neon green ponds and also able to get down cliffs to crashing waves on the shore.  Not only is this a great adventure, but I like seeing how people react to seeing me there (it ranges from “oh wow” delight to almost anger that I got in the way of their idyll).

   A word about that good breakfast and other meals.  Another fun thing about camping is cooking on a Coleman stove and what can be cooked on it.  Breakfast has been pancakes or fried eggs, grits and vegan bacon, along with orange juice and coffee. Dinners have included gnocchi from Trader Joes along with bagged fresh organic spinach, spaghetti with marinara sauce and vegan Italian sausage and zucchini,  white hominy and vegetarian chili and cheese along with crookneck squash and Tasty Bite Indian entrees over rice along with broccoli. All have been not hard to make and quite good – and all the better and more enjoyable out-of-doors. 

   I wish I had started doing this years ago. One reason I didn’t is that I thought it would be too difficult, especially for my attendant.  Yes, packing everything and setting up and taking down the equipment is a hassle, but not so much of a hassle. (I sleep on a futon pad in my van – surprisingly comfy – and I have a large tent for my attendants.) Packing carefully and being organized, including keeping the equipment in one place at home, is the trick, and getting a few large plastic tubs (instead of hunting down and using cardboard boxes,  which tended to fall apart) helped – all pretty obvious, I know, but it wasn’t at first. Also, taking things like a tea kettle, a centinella candle, oven mitts and a plastic table cloth makes things much easier and more pleasant, even with it being more to load and unload.  I’m thinking of getting a canopy for shade.

   I had envisioned camping trips as short, cheap getaways, and it’s turning out that that’s exactly what they are.  Not only am I going to place that are a few hours away at most (last month, I thoroughly enjoyed Morro Bay State Park – a bit far at four hours away – and El Capitan State Beach, and I’m looking forward to going to Dogwood Campground near Lake Arrowhead and to Refugio State Beach this month), but the price is right.  Because I’m disabled and have a pass, I pay half price for a campsite.  This means I pay about $40 for a two-night outing.  Plus, I can have up to 8 people staying there.  This sure beats at least $85 a night at a motel, plus going out and paying for restaurant meals, for me and one attendant.  As the Who would say, I call it a bargain!