I don't want to play - or be played with

It could be a pawn. Or it could be a football. Whatever it is, I don’t want to be it.

I feel like I’m "it" - tag, another game - with the trial regarding same-sex marriage now going on in San Francisco. Stemming from California’s Proposition 8, the non-jury hearing, which will reportedly go on for a few weeks, is to determine whether or not it is unconstitutional - whether or not it is illegal - for gays to wed. This essentially means that I am on trial.

I am not saying that the trial isn’t fascinating or even necessary. It is fascinating to speculate on whether this is a too-risky challenge to Prop. 8 and if the U.S Supreme Court, where this will no doubt end up, is too conservative. It is fascinating that one of the lawyers defending gay marriage is a big-time conservative and to see whether or not the hearing can be aired on YouTube. It is fascinating to see all the expert testimony given for and against not only same-sex marriage but also homosexuality.

What I am saying is that is that it is most unfortunate, even tragic, this has to go on and that I hate it. I hate it that my life is on trial, literally, having to be justified. That’s all.

A few months ago, I was at a community meeting on what to do about Proposition 8. It was suggested that we go door to door and talk to people about gay marriage. I flinched. I am all for educating people - hence this blog and a lot of what else I do - but I’ll be damned if I’m going to go around begging people to tolerate me and my life.

As I told a friend afterwards, I feel like a football and don’t like it.

Another way that this is like a game and that I don’t like is that, as always in a game, someone will lose.