I go to Casa Colina
Hospital near here in Pomona twice a week to work out. Casa Colina is a rehabilitation hospital,
catering primarily to people who have become disabled, helping them learn to
live with their disabilities, and it has a program for disabled people from the
community to use its gym. When I’m
there, I work with weights on my upper body and use a hand bike. There are usually staff members or volunteers
to help me with setting up the weights or tie my hands to the bike.
Anyway, when I was
there the other day, there was a new volunteer, a young woman who seemed cool,
with the sides of her head shaved. As
she was helping me, trying to figure out how to strap a sandbag weight on my
arm, how to reattach my speech device to my wheelchair, I noticed she was
wearing a gay pride bracelet. I thought
this was way cool – it made me happy – and I wanted her to see my rainbow
bracelet, to let her know that I understood, that she had company. And, okay, I wanted her to see I’m not just a
patient, a disabled person that needs help; I wanted her to see that I have a
life, a life like her.
The problem was
that I was wearing long sleeves, and my rainbow bracelet, along with a
friendship bracelet, was way up my arm, under the sleeve. I tried to get the sleeve up and the pride
bracelet out. I kept rubbing my arm on
my leg, hoping the sleeve would ride up.
(My other arm, as frequently happens, wasn’t being cooperative.) But to
no avail.
No. Nothing doing. I was stuck, like I was back in the closet,
and the door was locked. There was no
pride, no being out, today. I do rainbow laces on my Docs, but I wasn’t sure if
the young woman saw them - they’re more subtle perhaps, not really out there,
not like the bracelet.
Before I left, I
almost tried to tell her that I like her bracelet, but a staff member came over,
and I didn’t want to make an awkward scene.
I left, frustrated,
but figuring that I’ll see the volunteer again and that she’ll eventually see
my bracelet, especially when it gets warm and I start going shirtless in my
overalls. I also thought once again
about getting a rainbow sticker and putting it on the front of the cup holder
on my wheelchair. That way, I will
always, always be out and never stuck back in the closet.
Are you a person who likes buttons? I'm fond of them for simple self-outing. I know what you mean about not wanting to miss out on connecting with somebody else who is queer. It sucks to feel invisible. And, yeah I just take this opportunity to let you know how much I appreciate you out in the world, writing and making videos, and shedding a little late into my own life.
ReplyDeleteLight into my life!
ReplyDeleteAre you a person who likes buttons? I'm fond of them for simple self-outing. I know what you mean about not wanting to miss out on connecting with somebody else who is queer. It sucks to feel invisible. And, yeah I just take this opportunity to let you know how much I appreciate you out in the world, writing and making videos, and shedding a little late into my own life.
ReplyDeleteAre you a person who likes buttons? I'm fond of them for simple self-outing. I know what you mean about not wanting to miss out on connecting with somebody else who is queer. It sucks to feel invisible. And, yeah I just take this opportunity to let you know how much I appreciate you out in the world, writing and making videos, and shedding a little late into my own life.
ReplyDelete